The Baranof Enquirer has released the full page ballot regarding the best Kodiak has to offer (smirking) for 2008 which of course ends December 31st but you must turn yers in by October 23rd. Those filling out at least half of the whopping 60 categories will be entered to win something better than a Jock of the Rock tee shirt. I forgot what the prize was. Must have been astonishing.
It is mostly the same old same old.
Best French Fries (King’s Diner)
Best Reporter (John Clayton)
Best Place To Take A Tourist (the airport)
Best Local Band (McSkank and the drummer with the cute cousin I didn’t talk to long enough Friday night who I met again briefly at Safeway on Sunday but she left town Tuesday....nevermind)
Best Fishing Vessel (F/V Yo Mama)
Best Asian food, bank teller, nail salon, etc….
After they get all of them back they need to take the top three finishers and reissue as multiple choice such as:
Best Cab Driver
a. Manny
b. SuperDave, Cab Driver To The Stars
c. Joe
Of course this would be far more entertaining and catty if it was a Worst of 2008 Contest.
Worst Nightclub
Worst Rueben
Worst Senior Citizen
Or start over with 60 all new Best Of categories hand selected by me.
Best Place To Pee In Public- outside, metro ADQ
a. Big bush by library SW corner
b. Behind B&B dumpster
c. St. Paul’s Plaza at noon
Best Place To Dump A Body
a. Pillar Mt.
b. Chiniak
c. Dog Bay
Best Place To Do The Wild Thing
a. Alderwood Penthouse
b. Russian Heritage Inn
c. Alley behind Henry’s
Best Place To Coastie Watch
a. Walmart
b. Base
c. Villagio
Best Nickname for a Fisheries Reporter
a. CK-1
b. The Irish Assassin
c. Wolfboy
Best Place to Get Molested By A Cougar
a. Curves
b. Safeway Pharmacy
c. Assembly of God Church
Best Hot Single Mother (names in blue)
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
g.
h.
i.
j.
k.
l.
m.
n.
o.
p.
q.
r.
s.
t.
u.
v.
w.
x.
y.
z.
aa.
bb.
cc.
dd.
ee.
ff..
gg.
h. and w. are so sexy. Really.
Best crackhead, illegal poker game, best undercover cop, half hour sports radio show on Saturday afternoons, etc….
For now we will have to settle for the Mirror's current version. Don't forget to write me in for Best Hair Stylist.
