Here it is mid-September and I have not once mentioned my fantasy football team The Sandinistas. We held our draft on Tuesday the 4th instead of the agreed upon Labor Day cuz a few owners (fantasy football players call themselves owners even if they don't own jack) had time conflicts. As you can imagine it is near impossible to get 12 guys together at once, even on-line, especially with two with their feet in the Atlantic now. One of those is Derek "BuzzardBait" Vergoth who moved to Maine in an attempt to get out of my division so he'd have some hope of making the fantasy playoffs for once. The move might work. In return Cy (The ClamRams) moves into the lustrous Kodiak Division and is always a handful since he holds the rights to one L. Tomlinson. For the record, I share the Bill Simmons opinion that #21 should be referred to as LDT and not LT, who everyone knows is the guy who got his Porsche stolen by the Waterboy's girlfriend. Cy is also my opponent tomorrow but would have been Derek had he stayed in town frying Klondike Burgers and emptying bottles of Bud using only one hand and a mouth. My point is 2007 is going to be a lot harder to win since we play division teams twice and all the teams in my division are tough. This might be a good time to share my roster. Starting at quarterback is Carson Palmer, the second highest rated QB going into the season and he appears in zero annoying TV ads. The boss Bengal is in his third year with me and as a keeper worked against my 4th round pick. I could have kept Marvin Harrison instead but the 4000-yard passing predictions were too much to ignore.
My other keeper (our franchise player that doesn't count in a draft spot) is the notorious Larry Johnson who is moving from post-Tony's headache to E.R. migraine. I think he's reading T.O.'s biography. Of course we all know what he's capable of, 20-plus TDs and 1800 yards is more than reasonable with him but the KC line is no longer a masterpiece and their QB is no Carson Palmer. Maybe Arnie Palmer. If you see me walking out of St. Mary's Sunday it is a last ditch effort to keep Johnson out of trouble i.e slapping his girl up, rapping, holding out for more cheese, peeing in Priest Holmes' locker. Pick one. Pick'em all.
But I have two high potential running backs to fly with; Maroney and Marion Barber III. I love the 3rd thing, its like having a prince in the backfield. I predict Dallas will part ways with Julius Jones after this season and ride this stud to the postseason where Carrie Underwood's BF will find a way to fumble away playoff advancement.
My wideouts are Boldin (Cards), Crayton (Cowboys) and Santonio Holmes (Steelers). I drafted DJ Hackett but he quit to spin records at the Last Supper Club (high-ankle sprain, out indefinably) so I snagged Shaun Alexander's back-up Mo Morris since I know a lil somethin' somethin'.
I have the Patriots defense and I think Akers is my kicker. I care so little for fantasy kickers I'm almost a real coach. Hey kicker, go get me a towel! Now dry my car!
So last week I started the season against my uber-rival, the BlitzKrieg, owned by one Patrick Costello. He's got a stacked team with Steven Jackson and Joey Addai for twin tailbacks plus McNabb and Ocho Cinco, however I was able to squeak out a 60-44 win. Beating Patrick is actually one of my favorite things in life, up there with Red Hook ESB and Sea Gal Amber (2002-2004). If I could only win two games a year I'd want them to be over Costello. But I will be the first to admit I got dang lucky last week and when we meet again in Week 12 I may not fair so well. A rare show of humility from me, I know.
To join The Sandinistas Fan Club please send $1000 cash in small bills to Nick Sandin, Box 1223, Kodiak, AK 99615. All members get a Joey Harrington bobblearm doll and a sucker.
