This "column" started out as an e-mail to friends, then appeared half a season in the Kodiak Daily Skull F-word, made its way to radio, and then to jockoftherock.com, now here where nobody can see it. Wonderful. In a way it is full circle, strictly for my peoples and I can really say anything I want from donkey c-word fister (typical Broncos fan) to mudderphuttin' ocho stinko pinko (hooker in SW Ohio) to "fornication was my drug" (Prime Time, my favorite!). And all I can find is Advil. Damnit.
Anywho, let me take a clipping for JOTR dot com and refresh yer memory on how this BIATCH works a.k.a the sandinyerface system:
There are 17 weeks in the season and every week I bet three games as a parlay. Lose any of the three games and you get zip. Win all three games and depending on where you bet you get between 6-7 times what you put down. Bet $100, win all three, walk away with about $700. Win 3 outta 3 three times in seventeen weeks of football that’s $2100. Of course you lost 14 of 17 weeks so deduct $1400.
But in the end you are up $700 after seventeen weeks (like how I switch between
words and #s?). Of course you could win the first week and be at the same point but do the math if you win 4 outta 4 = $2800 minus 13 weeks lost/$1300 = $1500 5 outta 5 = $3500 minus 12 weeks lost/$1200 = $2300 You probably wouldn’t reach 6 outta 6 or higher. Trust me.
So it is possible you could win over two grand and only pick 15 games out of 51 correctly. The key is patience. Bet the same every week. Always three games. Never more money. Never more games.
Ties on parlays. They push, so a three-game parlay card like I do here reverts to a two-game card and the payout is something like 2.6:uno.
Now as long as I've been using this system it has never lost "money" until last year. It sucked and has bothered me for almost nine months. I'd rather be knocked up than lose an entire NFL season Vegas-style. Morning sickness I can handle, losing is unacceptable. Thanks to Paul Smith I should be able to focus now on racking up phat stacks of greenbacks for my readers vs. the spread and The Clarkston will be publishing my straight up choices in his Gridiron Guessers piece in the Baranof Enquirer ever week. That is a lower priority than my dirty dishes. Picking games without point spreads is for sissies.
I've considered tweeking (overhauling) the system by only picking ten games a season and shooting for seven out of ten right but what fun would that be?
I use Yahoo Sports for the daily line. Mainly because it is easy to read.,easy to find. Since we have a Thursday game this week I stayed home instead of visiting The Orph to see Hancock so I could get this done before the first game: Washington @ New York Giants -3.5. I like the Skins BUT it is not one of the three. The Rigby Rule in effect: Don't bet for Washington, don't bet against them.
And I'm not falling for the trap I did last year picking games that had high entertainment value from a writing stance. I'll pick one game but write about another if I have to. "Winning First" is my sloganyerface for '08.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Last year this game was on Monday Night Football to start the season. Raiders-Broncos was a better choice this time around, ya think? To be totally honest my head isn't 100% in football mode as Sarahmania continues to be a huge distraction. I know a die-hard lefty left work early today to watch her speak at the RNC. Weird. I don't think we are going to have an unbiased moment with her and by that I mean since we as Alaskans already know a lot about her its hard to gauge what the country is thinking. Football.
The same kind of commotion is occurring back home of McCain as Cardinal fans have watched their team go with a really old man by the name of Kurt Warner. Actually I'm two months younger than him so he's a perfect 37 years old. In his sexual prime. I'm considering asking on Jock what is more dangerous; a 37 year old QB starting yer season or a 72 year old man running yer country? And if the former Ram with a ring is McBush, does that make the VPILF party boy Matt Leinart (pictured)? Yes, it does. Popular with TMZ, look good in red, both backing up fossils. And both know something about young baby makin'.
What about their opponents, the 49ers? They start the year with some guy named John Thomas O'Sullivan at quarterback. He sounds like the guy who sould be getting his pool cleaned by that one jockey. The only guy more forgotten this week is Joe Biden. What would the Democraps have to do to get their VP homie some face time? Have him hot tub with Leinart!
Note to self: Don't forget you bet a shot of whiskey with Matt N. that Zona would end the year with a better record than Franny. The battle for second place in the NFC West.....starts now.
Nick's Pick: CARDINALS
Seattle @ Buffalo -1
Like the Rigby Rule I don't like betting involving my team but last year underdogs kicked serious arse and I didn't capitalize. Usually you get a point or two with Vegas just for being at home so if you call it two the Seahawks should squeek this one out. Or pound the schmitt out of them. Everyone says Niagra-Metro is famous for hot wings but what ever happened to those salmon nuggets McDonalds was experimenting with? Charlie Tuna might sue but I say add some blue dyed ranch plus green ketchup and you got Sea Chicken for the cheap seats at Qwest. Dinner, snack, throw them at Torry Holt, its SEA CHICKEN! The-Job-I-Can't-Talk-About better call my agent and offer me a new contract or I'm getting scouped up by a marketing firm.
Nick's Pick: SEAHAWKS
Dallas @ Cleveland +5.5
This is either my upset special or my upset stomach soon after. I've said Dallas is the team to beat in the NFCK with New Orleans and Seattle 2nd and 3rd but they have to lose a few and I say its when the engine isn't warmed up yet. A Coyboys defeat is important to any contenter because I still believe the best chance to stop them this year is get some cancer started in the changing rooms until Romo has to have chemo to get rid of T.O.
It should be interesting for Cleveland fans with Derek Anderson back after ten years. Hope he fares better than Charlie Frye did after his first game of the season. Five and half points, kid, keep it close, that's all I can really ask or next week I'll be Teeing Off on yer name.
Nick's Pick: BROWNS
Before I log off...
! New England was a 16.5 favorite vs. KC before it was taken off the board.
! I like Denver -3 over Oakland, too. If you have any money left after Sunday...
! This is Peyton Manning's 11th season? JC and a side of rice! And a side of mashed potatos. And some Ensure.
! Rudi Johnson flew on Alaska and his bags are in King Salmon. Hate'em Tatum!
! Thunder. Stupid.
! If you are thinking Jets over Dolphins remember Pennington knows all their plays and now so does the Dolphins coaching staff. Reminds me of the TB-OAK Super Bowl. The problem is the Miami D isn't stopping Favre no matter what they know.
! If Gustav had wiped New Orleans out again, would the team have to relocate permanently? I'm thinking out loud for Saturday's show.
! I have to work tomorrow during the Giants-Redskins game so please pray for me. The football gods would want me in front of a TV at Tony's. That is what the football gods would want. They granted me a television, do not deny me this game oh mighty Boss Woman.
Anywho, let me take a clipping for JOTR dot com and refresh yer memory on how this BIATCH works a.k.a the sandinyerface system:
There are 17 weeks in the season and every week I bet three games as a parlay. Lose any of the three games and you get zip. Win all three games and depending on where you bet you get between 6-7 times what you put down. Bet $100, win all three, walk away with about $700. Win 3 outta 3 three times in seventeen weeks of football that’s $2100. Of course you lost 14 of 17 weeks so deduct $1400.
But in the end you are up $700 after seventeen weeks (like how I switch between
words and #s?). Of course you could win the first week and be at the same point but do the math if you win 4 outta 4 = $2800 minus 13 weeks lost/$1300 = $1500 5 outta 5 = $3500 minus 12 weeks lost/$1200 = $2300 You probably wouldn’t reach 6 outta 6 or higher. Trust me.
So it is possible you could win over two grand and only pick 15 games out of 51 correctly. The key is patience. Bet the same every week. Always three games. Never more money. Never more games.
Ties on parlays. They push, so a three-game parlay card like I do here reverts to a two-game card and the payout is something like 2.6:uno.
Now as long as I've been using this system it has never lost "money" until last year. It sucked and has bothered me for almost nine months. I'd rather be knocked up than lose an entire NFL season Vegas-style. Morning sickness I can handle, losing is unacceptable. Thanks to Paul Smith I should be able to focus now on racking up phat stacks of greenbacks for my readers vs. the spread and The Clarkston will be publishing my straight up choices in his Gridiron Guessers piece in the Baranof Enquirer ever week. That is a lower priority than my dirty dishes. Picking games without point spreads is for sissies.
I've considered tweeking (overhauling) the system by only picking ten games a season and shooting for seven out of ten right but what fun would that be?
I use Yahoo Sports for the daily line. Mainly because it is easy to read.,easy to find. Since we have a Thursday game this week I stayed home instead of visiting The Orph to see Hancock so I could get this done before the first game: Washington @ New York Giants -3.5. I like the Skins BUT it is not one of the three. The Rigby Rule in effect: Don't bet for Washington, don't bet against them.
And I'm not falling for the trap I did last year picking games that had high entertainment value from a writing stance. I'll pick one game but write about another if I have to. "Winning First" is my sloganyerface for '08.
2004 Final Record 16-17-0
2005 Final Record 24-23-1
2006 Final Record 28-20-1
2007 Final Record 20-24-4
Arizona @ San Francisco +2.52005 Final Record 24-23-1
2006 Final Record 28-20-1
2007 Final Record 20-24-4
ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Last year this game was on Monday Night Football to start the season. Raiders-Broncos was a better choice this time around, ya think? To be totally honest my head isn't 100% in football mode as Sarahmania continues to be a huge distraction. I know a die-hard lefty left work early today to watch her speak at the RNC. Weird. I don't think we are going to have an unbiased moment with her and by that I mean since we as Alaskans already know a lot about her its hard to gauge what the country is thinking. Football.The same kind of commotion is occurring back home of McCain as Cardinal fans have watched their team go with a really old man by the name of Kurt Warner. Actually I'm two months younger than him so he's a perfect 37 years old. In his sexual prime. I'm considering asking on Jock what is more dangerous; a 37 year old QB starting yer season or a 72 year old man running yer country? And if the former Ram with a ring is McBush, does that make the VPILF party boy Matt Leinart (pictured)? Yes, it does. Popular with TMZ, look good in red, both backing up fossils. And both know something about young baby makin'.
What about their opponents, the 49ers? They start the year with some guy named John Thomas O'Sullivan at quarterback. He sounds like the guy who sould be getting his pool cleaned by that one jockey. The only guy more forgotten this week is Joe Biden. What would the Democraps have to do to get their VP homie some face time? Have him hot tub with Leinart!
Note to self: Don't forget you bet a shot of whiskey with Matt N. that Zona would end the year with a better record than Franny. The battle for second place in the NFC West.....starts now.
Nick's Pick: CARDINALS
Seattle @ Buffalo -1
Like the Rigby Rule I don't like betting involving my team but last year underdogs kicked serious arse and I didn't capitalize. Usually you get a point or two with Vegas just for being at home so if you call it two the Seahawks should squeek this one out. Or pound the schmitt out of them. Everyone says Niagra-Metro is famous for hot wings but what ever happened to those salmon nuggets McDonalds was experimenting with? Charlie Tuna might sue but I say add some blue dyed ranch plus green ketchup and you got Sea Chicken for the cheap seats at Qwest. Dinner, snack, throw them at Torry Holt, its SEA CHICKEN! The-Job-I-Can't-Talk-About better call my agent and offer me a new contract or I'm getting scouped up by a marketing firm.
Nick's Pick: SEAHAWKS
Dallas @ Cleveland +5.5
This is either my upset special or my upset stomach soon after. I've said Dallas is the team to beat in the NFCK with New Orleans and Seattle 2nd and 3rd but they have to lose a few and I say its when the engine isn't warmed up yet. A Coyboys defeat is important to any contenter because I still believe the best chance to stop them this year is get some cancer started in the changing rooms until Romo has to have chemo to get rid of T.O.
It should be interesting for Cleveland fans with Derek Anderson back after ten years. Hope he fares better than Charlie Frye did after his first game of the season. Five and half points, kid, keep it close, that's all I can really ask or next week I'll be Teeing Off on yer name.
Nick's Pick: BROWNS
Before I log off...
! New England was a 16.5 favorite vs. KC before it was taken off the board.
! I like Denver -3 over Oakland, too. If you have any money left after Sunday...
! This is Peyton Manning's 11th season? JC and a side of rice! And a side of mashed potatos. And some Ensure.
! Rudi Johnson flew on Alaska and his bags are in King Salmon. Hate'em Tatum!
! Thunder. Stupid.
! If you are thinking Jets over Dolphins remember Pennington knows all their plays and now so does the Dolphins coaching staff. Reminds me of the TB-OAK Super Bowl. The problem is the Miami D isn't stopping Favre no matter what they know.
! If Gustav had wiped New Orleans out again, would the team have to relocate permanently? I'm thinking out loud for Saturday's show.
! I have to work tomorrow during the Giants-Redskins game so please pray for me. The football gods would want me in front of a TV at Tony's. That is what the football gods would want. They granted me a television, do not deny me this game oh mighty Boss Woman.
