It has come to my attention that it has come to the attention of someone else that I tend to be hard on the Homersexuals. Why to I scoff at those across the Shelikof? Hummm, where to start...1. Geography: Their lil town is the closest community of any decent size to Kodiak so they naturally become a rival. Soldotna has Kenai, Wasilla has Palmer, and the "city" (and island) named after bears has the town named after Bart Simpson's dad. DOH!
2. Size: The population of this pimple on the end of the peninsula is about half of ours so of course we have to pick on them because they are smaller than us. Its Bully 101.
3. Climate: Despite being not that far away they have much harsher winters than our banana belt arses on the Rock. Warmer is better. If you don't believe me try taking a cold shower, then a warm one, then tell me which one you preferred.
4. Harbors: Their docks are full of wussy boats and sporties. How many crabbers home port outta Homer? And correct me if I'm wrong but there are plenty of charters from the so-called halibut capital that are getting closer and closer to Floydville every year to cash in on our riches. BIATCHES!
5. Celebrities: Jewel claims Homer. She also claims Detroit. Nuff said. I live in Kodiak. Nuff said.
6. Tourists: Every year about this time Homer is transformed into a tourist trap of the Nth magnitude. Every f-tard geezer with an RV leaving Seattle is very likely headed to The Spit, congesting the Al-Can for a thousand miles all summer. Then when the party is over the place turns into a ghost town while the islanders keep in rockin'.
7. Main Street: Homer doesn't even have a real downtown kind of like South Lake Tahoe but not cool. Not. Cool. Kodiak's downtown is half filled with bars. Cool. I'll put Tony's up against the Salty Balls any day and the Pattie Palace will rule every single time.
8. Demographics: While Kodiak has all types of people except for women, Homer is Humboldt North, a hippy arts commune that would drive Eric Cartman into a massive genocidal rage. Having survived four years in Arcata I have no desire to have that culture follow me back home to Alaska. 1968 came and 1968 left, please catch up.
I should say that from what I'm told Homer does have a lot of hotties but as I said years ago, we'll go snatch them and bring them back like vintage Culpepper to Moss. Ladies, come join the dark side.
9. Brains.: OK, they might be smarter than us. Damnit.
10. Sports: On the playing field they barely ever showed up on radar, kind of like the Mariners at Safeco this year, so it isn't the rivalry it was 30-40 years ago. When I was 12 they sent all four of their Little League teams to play all four of ours. Kodiak went 16-0. Please don't bring up basketball in 1989.
Perhaps we should let them spar with Seward and find someone else to f-word with. Sitka perhaps.
I haven't been thru there in a couple years so maybe I need to revisit and see if I can come up with ten things I like about them there mainlanders. Five? Three?
One?
2. Size: The population of this pimple on the end of the peninsula is about half of ours so of course we have to pick on them because they are smaller than us. Its Bully 101.
3. Climate: Despite being not that far away they have much harsher winters than our banana belt arses on the Rock. Warmer is better. If you don't believe me try taking a cold shower, then a warm one, then tell me which one you preferred.
4. Harbors: Their docks are full of wussy boats and sporties. How many crabbers home port outta Homer? And correct me if I'm wrong but there are plenty of charters from the so-called halibut capital that are getting closer and closer to Floydville every year to cash in on our riches. BIATCHES!
5. Celebrities: Jewel claims Homer. She also claims Detroit. Nuff said. I live in Kodiak. Nuff said.
6. Tourists: Every year about this time Homer is transformed into a tourist trap of the Nth magnitude. Every f-tard geezer with an RV leaving Seattle is very likely headed to The Spit, congesting the Al-Can for a thousand miles all summer. Then when the party is over the place turns into a ghost town while the islanders keep in rockin'.
7. Main Street: Homer doesn't even have a real downtown kind of like South Lake Tahoe but not cool. Not. Cool. Kodiak's downtown is half filled with bars. Cool. I'll put Tony's up against the Salty Balls any day and the Pattie Palace will rule every single time.
8. Demographics: While Kodiak has all types of people except for women, Homer is Humboldt North, a hippy arts commune that would drive Eric Cartman into a massive genocidal rage. Having survived four years in Arcata I have no desire to have that culture follow me back home to Alaska. 1968 came and 1968 left, please catch up.
I should say that from what I'm told Homer does have a lot of hotties but as I said years ago, we'll go snatch them and bring them back like vintage Culpepper to Moss. Ladies, come join the dark side.
9. Brains.: OK, they might be smarter than us. Damnit.
10. Sports: On the playing field they barely ever showed up on radar, kind of like the Mariners at Safeco this year, so it isn't the rivalry it was 30-40 years ago. When I was 12 they sent all four of their Little League teams to play all four of ours. Kodiak went 16-0. Please don't bring up basketball in 1989.
Perhaps we should let them spar with Seward and find someone else to f-word with. Sitka perhaps.
I haven't been thru there in a couple years so maybe I need to revisit and see if I can come up with ten things I like about them there mainlanders. Five? Three?
One?
