Well ain't this cute. Ace Reporter quits KMXT and leaves us this story (not this story) to antagonize the cops while he's skipping around northern California most likely to never been seen again in these parts. Thanks. When TC tasers my co-hosts during Jock of the Rock you will know how this started.
But really, are there too many cops in Kodiak? First of all I wouldn't factor in USCG whatevertheyares. I'm more intimidated by a GO TO JAIL card playing Monopoly than these bored bastards who sit around wishing they'd joined the Navy instead. And Osama is dead now so they really have it easy. They should be out at Bear Valley protecting the golf snobs from goats and arresting people who sneak on at the 2nd hole.
KPD has 17 cops and one in the oven. Is that including detectives or is that strictly on the beat? It's not like there are 17 working 24 hours a day so I'd guess there about six on a shift hitting the mean streets at any one time. Six officers for one square mile? OK, maybe that seems a little high but not on Friday night when the idiots who pay to go in the Mecca decide to fight over the only hot chick in the place at 3am. Remember:
But really, are there too many cops in Kodiak? First of all I wouldn't factor in USCG whatevertheyares. I'm more intimidated by a GO TO JAIL card playing Monopoly than these bored bastards who sit around wishing they'd joined the Navy instead. And Osama is dead now so they really have it easy. They should be out at Bear Valley protecting the golf snobs from goats and arresting people who sneak on at the 2nd hole.
KPD has 17 cops and one in the oven. Is that including detectives or is that strictly on the beat? It's not like there are 17 working 24 hours a day so I'd guess there about six on a shift hitting the mean streets at any one time. Six officers for one square mile? OK, maybe that seems a little high but not on Friday night when the idiots who pay to go in the Mecca decide to fight over the only hot chick in the place at 3am. Remember:
No matter how hot she is, someone else is sick of her schmitt.
&
Boycott the Mecca.
&
Boycott the Mecca.
Which brings me to this age old question: Are drunk bikes legal? I've heard comflicting things over whether or not you can get a DUI on a bike in Alaska? It isn't a motor vehicle and obviously by riding one you are playing it safer than mowing down the sober with 3000 pounds of steel but then again you can't do this in Washington. Maybe the police who read sandinyerface will respond. Kevin? You there?
One last thing on Kodiak's Finest (not to be confused with myself in my international male supermodeling days): What the f-word happened with the brand new multimillion dollar jail only being six beds bigger than the last one and this one is already full? OK, so no matter how big they built it we'd probably fill it but at least double the mudderphutter. It should have been doubled to 32 bunks which I believe was OJ's uniform number.
I'd like to add the position of Community Service Whipcracker. Instead of people doing community service putting away library books and washing an already clean fire engine I'd have them doing some work outside clearing brush and doing the crap public works or parks and rec don't have time for (and by not have time for I mean don't want to do). In fact not only to I propose this job, I want it. Yes, I'm serious.
As for the six Alaska State Troopers it sounds like they need a few more homies here on the island with all the drugged up hippies in the Flats destroying everything. Same goes for the elites in Monashka and the white collar crime spree that sucks the economic life out of this community placing it in the hands of a few so they can have stainless steel salmon smokers and drive German SUVs on their eco-friendly gravel roads. Maybe we don't need AST but the FBI or some regulators who can do something about Kodiak always having the most expensive eye doctors and dentists in the country year after year. Now I feel a root canal and some blurry vision in my future, Damnit.
And how big is the National Guard here when the Mississippi's record flood hits? We aren't exactly prepared if you ask me.
Meanwhile the Baranof Enquirer is kissing sweet arse and keeping local reporters from overflowing the jail. Thanks to Pokemon Louis for saving the outnumbered and outgunned members of the media. I don't want to go on the air on Saturdays by myself.
One last thing on Kodiak's Finest (not to be confused with myself in my international male supermodeling days): What the f-word happened with the brand new multimillion dollar jail only being six beds bigger than the last one and this one is already full? OK, so no matter how big they built it we'd probably fill it but at least double the mudderphutter. It should have been doubled to 32 bunks which I believe was OJ's uniform number.
I'd like to add the position of Community Service Whipcracker. Instead of people doing community service putting away library books and washing an already clean fire engine I'd have them doing some work outside clearing brush and doing the crap public works or parks and rec don't have time for (and by not have time for I mean don't want to do). In fact not only to I propose this job, I want it. Yes, I'm serious.
As for the six Alaska State Troopers it sounds like they need a few more homies here on the island with all the drugged up hippies in the Flats destroying everything. Same goes for the elites in Monashka and the white collar crime spree that sucks the economic life out of this community placing it in the hands of a few so they can have stainless steel salmon smokers and drive German SUVs on their eco-friendly gravel roads. Maybe we don't need AST but the FBI or some regulators who can do something about Kodiak always having the most expensive eye doctors and dentists in the country year after year. Now I feel a root canal and some blurry vision in my future, Damnit.
And how big is the National Guard here when the Mississippi's record flood hits? We aren't exactly prepared if you ask me.
Meanwhile the Baranof Enquirer is kissing sweet arse and keeping local reporters from overflowing the jail. Thanks to Pokemon Louis for saving the outnumbered and outgunned members of the media. I don't want to go on the air on Saturdays by myself.
