I'm already getting e-mail grief for Lofa Tatupu's Driving While Intoxicated charge in Kirkland last Saturday. Amazing it took a few days for the press to catch up (one of the beauties of being a Seattle elite jock, nobody pays attention nationally). Yes, he need a drunk bike. Chef Jerm called me to tell me this before any of you media-loving bastards knew so get off me, my loop can kick yer loop's arse.
I swear I could be the DD for every pimp player in Seatown if Paul Allen would buy me a hybrid Lex, driving the pros home after kickin' it for a minor salary. I almost feel partially responsible for not volunteering my services to the franchise. Seajock cabbie might be the perfect job for me. I could be the SuperDave of Seattle to the Stars! Instead I'm plastered after an unexpected Tuesday night binge with ____________ and ____________. You two can thank me later. The beer-in-hand & off-the-record-rule is in effect.
This is bad PR for the Hawks even if he didn't fight cops in Texas or get shot at outside Rick's in Lake City or Mary's in downtown Portland. If he was here Ralph Gibbs would tear him a new one In The Courts. But nothing sucks more than this from the PI:
Tatupu's 2006 Hyundai Accent first blazed past the officer just after 2 a.m., about 10 blocks from where he pulled over on Northeast 85th Street.
Huh? He makes millions and drives a Hyundai!? F-word me in the eye socket sideways with a Great Dane, a High-n-Dry? Give him two years behind bars for bad taste. He might be the only guy in the NFL with a Korean made car. Hell, maybe all of professional sports in 'Merica with a ride straight outta Seoul? DUDE! The car is way more humiliating than the charge. Put him of suicide watch based on the Accent alone. As a life long fan, if Julian Peterson drives a Santa Fe I might kill myself. What's next, Hass blows a .17 and rolls a 1997 Geo Metro? This isn't what I signed up for.
I swear I could be the DD for every pimp player in Seatown if Paul Allen would buy me a hybrid Lex, driving the pros home after kickin' it for a minor salary. I almost feel partially responsible for not volunteering my services to the franchise. Seajock cabbie might be the perfect job for me. I could be the SuperDave of Seattle to the Stars! Instead I'm plastered after an unexpected Tuesday night binge with ____________ and ____________. You two can thank me later. The beer-in-hand & off-the-record-rule is in effect.
This is bad PR for the Hawks even if he didn't fight cops in Texas or get shot at outside Rick's in Lake City or Mary's in downtown Portland. If he was here Ralph Gibbs would tear him a new one In The Courts. But nothing sucks more than this from the PI:
Tatupu's 2006 Hyundai Accent first blazed past the officer just after 2 a.m., about 10 blocks from where he pulled over on Northeast 85th Street.
Huh? He makes millions and drives a Hyundai!? F-word me in the eye socket sideways with a Great Dane, a High-n-Dry? Give him two years behind bars for bad taste. He might be the only guy in the NFL with a Korean made car. Hell, maybe all of professional sports in 'Merica with a ride straight outta Seoul? DUDE! The car is way more humiliating than the charge. Put him of suicide watch based on the Accent alone. As a life long fan, if Julian Peterson drives a Santa Fe I might kill myself. What's next, Hass blows a .17 and rolls a 1997 Geo Metro? This isn't what I signed up for.
