I have a reputation as a gambler with some but the truth is I rarely if ever gamble at all. And by gambling I mean betting money on games of chance, not riding my bike down Thorsheim to get to Anthony's B & No G in the middle of a snowstorm. My "gaming" rep I assume stems from Nix Pix, my continuing column trying to select winners during the NFL regular season where once in a while I mind meld with a dog. Since I'm broke I haven't even wagered on one game the last two seasons.
I don't play poker.
I don't play blackjack.
I don't play slots.
I hate pull tabs. The most f-tarded gambling known to mankind.
I haven't bought a Nenana Ice Classic ticket this century.
I will play nickel roulette at the Cal Neva in Reno at midnight waiting for the 12am 99 cent steak special to start but even that was long ago. How long? 1995 long.
It is the casino atmosphere I enjoy. Women dolled up, booze everywhere, hotel pools, etc but actual gambling isn't my thing. I guess I do hit the Washington Lotto when in Hasselland but that's about it.
So when I read the state is looking at giving us a say in legalizing (or not) some other forms of gambling I perked up like someone whispered "Bunny Ranch" in my ear. If Alaska ever did move in the direction of Vegas this is what I'd like to see besides showgirls and palm trees lining Mill Bay Road.
1. Powerball/Mega Millions: There aren't enough of us up here to have a lotto with really sick winnings but we could team up with other states for a payout with ludicrous zeros back to back.
2. Replace pull tabs with video poker or slots: There is nothing tackier than the floor covered in losing pull tabs. Well I'm tackier I guess but that's not the point.
3. "Sports Action": They had this in Oregon for a long time then cut it off because the NCAA Nazis had a tourney in P-town and I don't know if it returned later or not. Anywho, give me the ability to bet on NFL games legally at some shady counter in Food 4 Less or at "Buggy Banya". PLEASE!
4. Casinos with 50 yard long buffets: I'd settle for 35. And a nightclub inside that makes the Mecca disappear overnight. Boycott The Mecca.
5. The horse racing game under the plastic bubble: Loved watching this in Tahoe. I'm too lazy to describe it but if you've seen one you know exactly what I'm talking about.
6. Cater to divorced female Swedish tourists with six to seven figure incomes.
7. Create the Kodiak Pothole Classic where you guess how many chucks public works fixes after the thaw.
Somehow I don't believe the voters of The Great Land are going to expand gambling anytime soon.
