This is kind of old news but I (as in me) still think it looks cool. Last month the KPD snagged a few 2008 Ford Taurus sedans and have converted them into police cruisers with some help from Randy Chase and Co. I was hoping they’d do away with the whole fleet of SUVs but unfortunately they aren’t for the regular beat as school cop Officer Holden rolls the one with the bubblegum machine on top. Don't you hate those people in town who drive white Expeditions and have a ski rack on top and make you go into OMG THEY ARE TAILING ME mode? Just me? OK.The other two new Blue Oval Bulls are used by detectives and you can see them parked near the courthouse a lot. They’re unmarked but I saw they are a nifty shade of blue, or at least one of them is. They are also AWD so don’t think you can ditch Holden on an icy road (if he heard what people were saying about his officiating skillz at the last Bears game I think he would have been arrested himself). For the record, and to prevent me from having one, I have really no problem with cops. Remarkable considering I grew up gangbangin’ on Mission Road and NWA cassettes. People complain about The Force here on The Rock from time to time but they have no idea how it was twenty years ago. I like today better.
The job-I-can’t-talk-about…. nevermind.
Believe it or not I once owned a Taurus. I bought it in college, a maroon 1988 sedan with a $#!tty tranny but at didn’t have to worry about spontaneous combustion issues. My car before was a Fiero. In fact I owned that midsize motherf-worder longer than any car I’ve owned and it was fantastic for road trips to Reno and Ashland. I once passed every car on I-5 between Portland and Eugene during a snowstorm in that thing. It was glorious.
Anywho, my friend Brian (who claimed to know Ice Cube) at Humboldt asked me if it was CLI edition. He had to explain it to me, too.
CLI-TAURUS
Sound it out. I’ve never forgot that joke.
The Taurus nameplate returned this year in an effort to improve sales. This car was previously called the Ford Five Hundred (not 500) and the front end has been redone in the double-chrome bar look on most of their models like the Edge, Fusion, Focus, and Flex. I love F-words. My limited understanding is that the Taurus of today comes fitted with a 3.5 liter, 263 horsepower DOHC 24-valve V-6 only. Based on the price the city paid I doubt K-12 Cop has any fancy V-8 or turbocharged goodies under the hood. Hey, it is Kodiak, how fast do you need to go?
Answer: 25mph on Selief.We should never forget that one of the greatest crime fighters in American history drove a Taurus. Officer Alex J. Murphy, who through the miracles of modern medicine and cybernetics would single handedly clean up Detroit with the exception of five NFL referees.
The KMXT report (by CK-1, The Irish Assassin) mentioned the city was looking for greener rides for their vehicles. I’m assuming beyond the police department but what ever happened to the Segways? They need to auction those off if they aren’t going to use them or let Jack and Terry lead the Crab Festival parade with them this May. The NYPD is experimenting with the Vectrix electric motorcycle although Kodiak isn’t well suited for motorbikes. No, that isn't Eric Estrada below. More on its electric four-wheeled cousins later.
Question: Why do police officers leave their patrol cars on all the time?I'm told they do this because the windows fog up if they turn the engine off. If they get a call and have to fly their windows are clear already. What they need are vehicles that have electric heaters and/or defrosters so they don't have to leave them idling. I'm way ahead of you Carolyn. Like light years, baby.
One more thing. What ever happened to having a local DAREmobile? Doesn't every cop shop have some sweet arse ride in black with red lettering on the side? Kodiak once had a lame lame LAME Chevy Blazer for this but one of the visiting NBA stars from Portland drove it down the boat launch stoned and made white Broncos looks respectable. I kid. I'm a kidder. But it was a very lame DARE machine. In fact if you liked it, they drug tested you. I was thinking a new Dodge Ram with a Hemi or Mustang GT but a DARE seine skiff would be different and local flavor(plus it would cause uncontrollable laughter on the transient dock).
