After work tonight I raced to the Assembly Chamber to catch the city candidates forum LIVE! I got a great seat in Row Four on the right side, away from the guys with a cow bell and face paint so I could watch the action with less distraction. But seriously, those seats in there are horrid. I had Cartman Sat-Dish Ass by the time Dennis McMurray was done with his opening statements. They look padded but the foam is totally ineffective and thus your bootycheekbones drive right into the plywood base of the seat. But it was less painful than listening to the whole "debate". Out with the Q&A shizzle, let them BATTLE! Yes, let them question each other.
I had high hopes for this event for some reason, I really thought it would be entertaining on some level as well as informative (I'm typing as fast as I can to beat Ish Skywalker the Mystery Blogger to the punch tonight. The Blog Wars are heated I tell you).
One difference from years past was the had the mayor and city council session at the same time, perhaps to save time. Flavor Floyd was on the left and next to her was Dave A. Van Mun. Then it was Blackman (he's white), Haines, Maker, and McMurray on the other end. It was the standard answer and rotate one for the next question, no surprise there. Another difference was there were a few folks in the audience. Very few but way more than zero as it was in 2005. The scalpers must have taken a beating outside. The da house: one wife (point-Maker), one cameraman (check), the Chamber of Commerce posse of like 5-6 mofos, Bill Oliver (Joe Moderator aka The Hottiemaker), one city council member (GS), one city council member's son probably there against his will (GS Jr.), Bryan Martin Gramatica (K-KDM), Wolfboy, some dude taking notes and holding a tape recorder not from KMXT, and two bloggers (myself and The Kodiak Perspective). Yawn.
The candidates did their standard two-minute drill opening statement starting with the present mayor and the first question was kicked off by Van Mun. In order, the questions (you should answer these yerself).
1. Why did you choose to run this year? What issues would you bring to the forefront on the council?
2. Should the city do more to promote tourism?
3. Would you vote as the public wants or do what you think is best for the public?
4. Do we need a new jail, fire hall, library, and city offices.
5. Can a brother be a member of both volunteer firefighter groups?
6. Consolidation. Do it do it or no means no?
7. What should the city do with Near Island?
BONUS QUESTIONS to torture all involved when they said there would only be seven
8. Travel lift? Do it do it or no means no?
9. Do you believe the city should fund non-profits? Do you believe you can fly? Do you believe you can touch the sky?
10. How would you deal with lower incomes and higher costs?
11. How do you propose to remove the Raider Nation from Kodiak and kidnap some skanky skirts from Homer?
Closing statements. Removal of thorny crown and nails in hands/feet.
I left with my own questions.
1. What does the Chamber of Commerce ever accomplish?
2. Are hunters and sportsfisherhumans really considered tourists? On paper yes, but in reality I don't think we (I) see them that way.
3. Who is this lobbyist for the City of Kodiak. Sounds shadowy. Do they only meet with him at 3am on the docks? Does he have a wife named Carmella?
4. Does Dennis McMurray want this travel lift for his tug boat thing?
5. Will The Clarkston look like a tug boat owner in 25 years?
6. Are libraries 21st century?
7. If Van Mun wins will he use the word "silly" so much the previously mentioned Mystery Blogger will track it?
I'm sticking to the agreed upon format and not going past seven questions.
Highlights:
- Watching a Chamber employee look up at the ceiling when Van Mun spoke as if to ask her god to rip a logo off the Chargers helmet and ram it through her forehead.
- Trying to figure out who the dude was taking notes and taping the forum. I'm guessing Homeland Security or a massacist.
- Terry Haines "We should rationalize Kodiak" satire. Classic Terry. And then the smooth transition to make his point to cannery workers about how a free market helps them. (point-Haines)
- The Other blogger whispering to me "You should have ran".
- The Mirror reporter misses a 39-yard field goal wide right in the third quarter.
- Going home and replaying the one-hour Star Wars themed Family Guy on Sunday in my mind.
